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The Mike Barson Day - by Mike Barson
This article appeared in the December 1980 edition of Record Mirror.
THE CAST
SANDRA my fiancee
HARRY WANDSWORTH assistant tour manager and personal valet
BARRY tour manager
KELLOGG manager
DAVE ROBINSON record company boss
DIGBY monitor sound man
EDDIE out front sound man
STEVE tee shirt salesman
TERRY assistant tee shirt seller
PIGGY lighting engineer
MARTIN lorry driver
CHALKY AND TOKS roadies
JOHN (THE SARGE) stage manager
BETTY BRIGHT Suggs fiancee
SUSAN Chris's wife
9:00 Phone rings. Hotel alarm call. Back to sleep.
9:30 Phone rings again. Second hotel alarm call. Go back to sleep.
10:00 Harry knocks on the door. "20 minutes" he shouts. This means I can lie back in Sandra's arms for a while yet.
10:30 Harry knocks again and says: "Everyone's on the coach Mike." It's now time to get up. Sandra gets up first as she takes longer with her make up and a shower and all. I hear Harry through the wall next door. "Come on Chas, everyone's on the coach."
I drag myself out of bed and get dressed, pack all our gear while Barry bangs on the door and threatens to leave us behind. The last check around our room reveals one of Sandra's shoes and the toothbrush bag.
Downstairs in the lobby everyone's bags are heaped up. I throw ours on top and go into the dining room where most people are finishing breakfast. Barry says it's too late for a proper breakfast and disappears to pay the bill. We order bacon and eggs twice. By now everyone has left to get on the coach.
Barry comes back with our bills - some drinks and a meal from last night. Luckily they had forgotten a call Sandra made to her mum so we saved a few quid. As it's late we carry our breakfast onto the bus and pass Chas. "Where did you get the breakfast?" he asks.
"It's too late," calls Barry, "we're leaving now!" Mick the driver has kindly put our bags on the bus so we get on. We are waiting for Woody who's laughing about his phone bill to Jane.
"I'm going to get a cup of coffee," says Carl and jumps off the bus. Five minutes later Woody gets on. "They tried to stitch me out of £10," he says, as Carl follows him with his coffee.
12:00 One and a half hours late the coach leaves for Koln. The coach journey is spent watching "Chinatown" and a film called "Breakout" which is the worst film I've ever seen.
3:00 We stop for lunch at a motorway cafe. The Swedish promoter translates the menu for us and we press a button next to the meal we choose. After the food we go into the shop next door and pass Lee walking out with a few cassettes. Inside me and Sandra buy some shampoo and Sandra puts on a large red and black typical skiing jumper under her jacket which is done up to the top. We also buy some film for our camera.
Outside I take some pictures of Lee, Chas and Sandra skating on an iced over pond. We have just crossed the border into Norway and it's getting dark. I also get a picture of Chas taking a piss. Everyone gives us dirty looks.
Back on the bus Sandra and me listen to the headphones -- "More Specials" by the Specials. Somebody then puts a Fats Domino tape on the coach stereo extra loud and the Specials are rudely interrupted. I turn the tape down to some people's disappointment. A second later someone turns the tape up twice as loud which puts me in a very bad mood. I control my anger and we decide to listen to Fats Domino instead.
6:00 The sound check. After 20 minutes driving round the one-way system of Oslo we arrive at the gig. As me and Sandra are starving we look for food. We find a cold chicken salad as well as some hot coffee in a place called the hospitality room. It goes down a treat but we are interrupted by Barry telling me to go to the soundcheck.
After a couple of minutes tinkling on the piano and organ I leave the stage with everyone else, for the moody Mr Lee Thompson insists on silence for his soundcheck.
I meet Piggy or Ivan as he likes to be called these days and I ask him why the lights under Suggs and Chas aren't there tonight. He replies they were splashed with beer the night before and got busted. We argue whether some lights from the back drop can be brought forward. I suspect he's just a lazy sod. We also chat about the Christmas tour in Britain for which we will have a much bigger lighting rig and special effects. We are trying to make it a very special show and I'm glad Piggy's working on it.
Finally Lee walks in. He was doing his laundry. After his soundcheck we ran through a few numbers - "Bed and Breakfast", "Not Home Today" and "Beat Pete". A bit more treble on the snare and after a run through "Disappear", Lee does. Suggs calls after him to rehearse a couple of songs we are learning specially for the Hope and Anchor gig in a week's time. We go through them and then we have to leave the stage so Rockin' Jess and the Lambos can soundcheck.
Some of us go back to the hotel for a wash. At eight o' clock Harry rings our room to tell us we're leaving. We go down to the bar to meet everyone and someone tries to take Sandra's coat. Betty Bright says: "Don't give it to him, he's only trying to get your money."
It was a bit of a posh hotel and the waiter did not wish to serve me, telling me it was a first class hotel and insinuated that we were not up to standard. After a bit of clowning about when Barry put his jacket on upside down and the bar manager nearly threatened me with violence, we asked his name and demanded to see the hotel manager about it. Both requests were denied.
9:30 Changing room. We arrived at the gig in time to see Canvey Steve our tee-shirt man play harmonica with the Lambrettas.
In the changing room Chris and Bedders were tuning up, Suggs and Lee were getting changed, and Chas was sending Harry out to get his shoes from the coach and another clean shirt from the tee-shirt stall.
Lee tunes his sax, Chris adjusts his strap and Suggs downs another beer. Chas dances about in front of the mirror and shakes everyone's hands. "Have a good one."
On the way down to the stage I nip back to wash my sunglasses. We get down stairs and Lee suggests we all introduce ourselves for a laugh. Bedders doesn't like it.
10:00 The gig.
The gig starts pretty well and everyone's rocking. I enjoy mistakes a lot. I don't like 'Ernie' so much cause the piano's a bit hard to play and I can barely get through the solo. Anyway we get to 'Not Home Today' and I think, shit - as I have for the past four gigs - I forgot to tell Chas to learn the harmonica for the solo which sounds a bit weedy.
The crowd quieten down a bit for a lot of the new songs but go mad for 'Baggy Trousers'. Woody plays a blinding roll in 'Beat Pete' and I grin at him and go a bit nutty which gees us up a bit. I'm right at the back of the stage next to the woodsack so I see the whole group from behind. I take it a bit easier as I'm at the back, and I leave the jumping about to Chas and Suggs. You get a bit sick of it at times and I think the audience can sense that so I don't ever force it.
We come off stage after 'Madness' and listen to the crowd to see if they deserve an encore. "They don't go as nutty as they used to," I say to Suggs, but it's hard to remember actually. We go on for an encore, after which we go back to the dressing room.
- Contributed by Lee "Loobyloo" Buckley
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